hobbitofthemotherfuckinshire:

It’s 11:59 pm on 31st of December 1999 a woman is in labour the doctors scream at her to push she looks at her husband as he bites is nails in anticipation. Suddenly the clock hits midnight and the room goes silent she and her husband start to cry as they realise they will never have a 90s kid

today was so hard just

so hard

meladoodle:

so APPARENTLY the turn it off and on again method doesnt work for life support machines

banderboucher:

it’s not a sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm

what-mom:

I just want someone to buy me pizza and give me $1500 weekly.

hippiebabysitterr:

today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”

to buy fish at petco u have to be 18 or older

they were going to get fakes to buy fish

le-cafe-musain:

don’t underestimate my ability to perform a whole musical if left home alone

When I’m around you, I kind of feel like I’m on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.

redundantz:

easied:

if trees could talk i’d probably get emotionally attached to them

image

this morning coffee has never tasted so shitty